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The mail ended abruptly, and it was a full day till I heard again The next mail I found awaiting me next morning no doubt due to the 5or 6hour difference in time, these colonials use, either way it started by apologising saying the memories had taken a bit of coping with yesterday. The journey according to her, had been fairly short, and had been no great joy, though time when your bumping around in pitch darkness and naked, tends to be relative The journey stopped, and the engine quit. the cab door opened, and again closed, a crunching of footfalls on gravel. Then silence reigned, again time meant nothing. I panicked! Had this supposed master dumped me and the van, stealing my credit cards, passport and the like and leaving me to die in this stuffy old van? Time passed, then the footfalls on the gravel once more keys rattled, doors opened, light and fresh air hit me, a voice barked at me to “get out” and the gravel under my bare feet became a trial as he checked I hadn’t soiled. We denied him nothing that he asked for." But, he had to ask. He told me his mother was an alcoholic, a bad one. That's where he learned to pretend not to notice the embarrassing things she did when she was drunk. That's what he's done with you, all through your marriage, when you were in the worst of your depressions, he left, and pretended he didn't know that you got that way. He didn't want you humiliated by knowing he saw that. Why would you think he was so smart and special in all those other ways, but he wouldn't find out about your depression and the withdrawals?" He never saw me like that!" Yes he did. We've all seen you like that. It isn't anything for you to be ashamed of. We all love you, and it didn't matter to us. What mattered was helping you get back to being your normal self again. If he didn't love you, he wouldn't have pretended all these years, even when the two of you were fighting the worst." None of this is proof. It's all your conjecture." I believe he left so.
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